Woman to Woman: Killing with Kindness.

We’ve all heard the saying and as a woman, we’ve all tried it before.
Killing with kindness.

That’s the way, right? The way to get back at someone that has been less than kind to you. It’s not wrong to be extra kind to someone that needs to see what kindness is really all about. Right?

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. (Col. 3:12, MSG)

Well, that’s a dress that may not fit so well right now, a little too tight perhaps, so we are unpacking a little at a time. Today we will look at kindness. What does real kindness look like between women? It’s become so foreign a concept we tend to forget.


Paul says in Romans 12:9 (MSG) to “love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it.”

What? I can’t fake it? I can’t kill her with kindness since she has been so unkind to me?

Brother Paul says no. And that means God says…No.

Paul also says here to “love from the center of who you are.” That goes a little deep does it not? The center of who I am is not always a pretty site. It’s not always full of love and kindness.

What’s in the well comes up in the bucket.

And my well can get muddy if not all together dry at times. 

My muddy soul can produce some dirty thoughts, words and deeds. To sow kindness means I’ve got to have some kindness in me to pull from. That means I’ve got some work to do. God’s got a work to do in me.

I’m not saying I’m a mean person. All the time. Or that we as women are mean. All the time. But if we are honest, REALLY honest, we will see some room for improvement in the kindness category.

Who are we kidding? Women can be the meanest creatures known to man. We don’t even have to verbalize it. It’s in the way we look. I mean stare. “I can’t believe she wore that to church? Does she own a mirror? What kind of mama did she have to let her think that was appropriate attire for Wal-Mart, much less church?” (insert gasp…and a smile, we always put on a smile when we think things like this. Or is that just me?)

Kindness isn’t just a lesson our teenage daughters need. Though they can be bad. Really bad. I know, I was one.

I was not the most popular girl. I didn’t have the name-brand clothes. I never had the “right” hair. I couldn’t keep up with what was the popular music or tv show…that week. They changed too much. And I knew what it felt like to be looked at “that way” that said I know you are different, but I won’t be mean to your face. Or maybe I will.

I’ve also been on the other side. I was never deliberately mean to another girl, but I was trying to find my place in the world, too, and if it meant not talking to you or avoiding you because you were a little different, I probably did. Ok, I did. I know I did it at times.

Back to what I said…kindness isn’t just something our teenage daughters need.
It’s something we as women need.

Who do they learn to be so mean from, anyway? Think about that a moment.
Who do they learn from?

Then there’s this. The fact that you don’t know what that other soul is bearing today. What enormous cross are they lugging up a one-way hill?

You don’t know that she wakes up to a man every morning that is living in darkness and that darkness is constantly groping for her own soul.

You don’t know that she has a parent that has become more needy than her own children.

You don’t know that she has a prodigal that has left home or left their faith or worse yet never had the faith she thought they had and she has no idea when or if they will ever return to her or to the God that she has tried her entire life to lead them to.

So yeah, there’s that. In the bitterness of our soul, we don’t see the other soul for what they’re facing.

So we say an unkind word.  We think an unkind thought. We do an unkind deed. And none of those can be taken back.


A word spoken is a word eternal.

A thought etched in our mind is a thought eternal.

A deed done is a deed eternal.

A word penned is a word eternal.

A word expressed is a word eternal. Period.

It takes as much effort to say a kind word, do a kind deed, think a kind thought, as it does to do, think, or share one unkind.

Oh, that we as people, we as sisters, would start sharing more kindness than hate.

It’s not in our flesh, but it’s in our ability through the One who can and will clothe us with kindness if we let Him.

It’s time. For kindness to overcome hate and envy and greed and just. plain. meanness.

It’s time to be more. Our girls are watching and learning. Let’s do this. It’s time to be kind.


It’s “Woman to Woman” Wednesday. Working on unity of the sisterhood here on Wednesdays one perfectly imperfect word at a time. If you would like to share your thoughts on todays post or add your own comments about how we can grow kindness as a sisterhood, we welcome your words below! Feel free to leave comments or add a link to your own blog post. Much thanks! (Excuse the little blue frog…though he is kind of cute, I would rather not have him on here, but can’t seem to make him go away. :O) Please has it out with us using #w2w when you share. 😀 You can view last week’s W2W here.

6 thoughts on “Woman to Woman: Killing with Kindness.

  1. Pingback: Woman to Woman: The better fit. | For His Glory

  2. Meredith, I feel like I have the same reaction every time I read one of your posts. The reaction being “Oh my word, I love this!”. Seriously- I love the analogies you use, i.e., kindness being like a dress that’s too tight.
    Your quote, “what’s in the well comes up in the bucket,” hit me in the gut. The Word says all over the place that our actions are just an outflow of our hearts; but sometimes we like to fake the outside to cover up the ugly on the inside. So, thanks for the “ouch” today!

  3. I really enjoyed reading this, Meredith, I plan to keep this one to refer back to at times when I need it. I have a situation like this in my family where someone intensely dislikes me. I have tried to be kind to her, but perhaps not in the right spirit. I have a really hard time treating someone well that has mistreated me and other members of my family, but I know I should always remember to think about what the Lord would want me to do. These are excellent thoughts. I hope it is okay if I share this with some other people . And by the way, I like your little blue frog!

    • Thank you for your kind words, Robin! Of course I would love for you to share. 😉 We all have people like this in our life and it is a good reminder for me, as well. Easier said than done most days for me. Recognition is a good start, though. 😉

  4. The smallest kindness can change someone’s day. It doesn’t really take much for us to be kind–just letting go of our own self-focus to SEE the other person and want to bring a little light into her world today. It doesn’t take much, this giving of ourselves for the sake of someone else. But how often do I go about my day without really seeing the people around me, much less care enough to show them kindness. A simple kind smile. Letting someone go ahead of me in line at the store. Responding graciously when someone is rude or thoughtless. Kindness is a gift. I need to be generous and hand kindness out to everyone around me. If I am controlled by the Holy Spirit–if my every thought, word, and deed is lived for the glory of God–then I will be clothed in kindness. It will be seen in everything I do and every word I say. And the Lord will touch the lives of everyone around me through it.

    Thanks, Meredith, for reminding me to let God’s love fill my well each day so I may pour out buckets of blessings on others.

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