Author Archives: Meredith Bernard

The mule is blowing her lips.

Posted on by under Faith, Motherhood, Perfectly Imperfect, Uncategorized

My husband is full of one-liners. Spend more than a few minutes with him and you are sure to hear one. There is one I hear pointed towards me quite often and this time I said it before he could…”Yes, the mule is blowing her lips.”

And she was. That was me. The mule. Blowing her lips.

I was frustrated. Nothing really new for me, but my kitchen endeavors can bring it out in full force. This night was no exception. I have tried several times to make bread, but not often because I always end up failing. Miserably. Why I thought this time would be any different is beyond me.  I came across a recipe for the “Best Texas Roadhouse Rolls” and decided an hour before supper I could do this. I’m a woman. I should be able to make bread. Shouldn’t I?

I just happened to have a packet of “dry active yeast” (whatever that is) and I had one tbsp of butter even though it called for two, but surely that wouldn’t be a big deal. Butter and sugar had been on the grocery list, but on the way home from town the kids BOTH fell asleep, so I didn’t dare spoil a nap to stop by the grocery store for butter and sugar. It’s not like those are staples in my house or anything. I only make a gallon of sweet tea a day and cook everything in butter…with butter on top. And butter inside if it will fit. I’m southern. Don’t judge me.

I digress.  Back to the rolls. I will try to get on with the point, once I figure out what it really is.

It all started well. The yeasty-watery concoction started to “bubble” as it said it should. I warmed the milk and pat of butter on the stove to 115° using my dairy thermometer. I felt sure Martha Stewart would be proud of that little maneuver. Or Paula Deen or whoever is the latest and greatest tv chef star. I don’t have cable or satellite, so if they aren’t on PBS or Ion Life…I don’t know ‘em. I digress again.

I’m having a hard time focusing. Now we are probably getting to the point.

I’m sure the recipe I was reading was perfectly fine for anyone who has made rolls or bread or anything with yeast before. What else do you make with yeast? But I was not sure if I was supposed to “mix” and “stir” ingredients by hand or with my Kitchen Aid, which doesn’t get nearly as much use as it would like. Or my husband would like. So I used it.

The first 2 minutes of “fast mixing” were perfect. It’s when I went to “stir” the extra two cups of flour (Better for Bread flour, mind you…the expensive stuff…that’s probably 2 years old, but it’s been in the refrigerator, so that’s ok, right?) into the mix that things got a little “sticky.” I assumed to “stir” the ingredients I should use the “hook” attachment. I think that’s what it’s called. Anyway, I proceeded to do that at which time the flour exploded out of the bowl all over the counter and cabinet doors and me and down that black hole between my stove and counter, which is where that flour will stay for quite a while, I’m sure. And what was left in the bowl was a sticky, boogery mess. I think I just made up the word boogery, but it is the best word to describe it. The stuff looked and felt like a big bowl of boogers. My son agreed. And then I wondered why he didn’t want to try one after they were cooked…bless his heart.

The aftermath.

The aftermath.

Note the abyss between the stove and counter…that flour will rot there.

Note the abyss between the stove and counter…that flour will rot there.

At this point, I tried hard not to say a bad word. I don’t think I did. But I wouldn’t bet my life on it. What’s in the well does come up in the bucket, and I’m pretty sure my well was a little dirty at this point. I was this far in it and had wasted four cups of expensive (all be it old) flour, so I was going to see these little boogers through to the end. Pardon the very sad pun.

I finished up with the instructions as best I could and ended up with some sad looking rolls. The dough did rise, much to my amazement. The rolls did bake and sort of resembled rolls. Sort of. And they sort of tasted like rolls. Sort of. My kind husband said they “weren’t that bad, but seemed to be missing something.” Well, that was the understatement of the year. But what? What were they missing? I followed the directions as best I could. I only skimped a little on the butter and my flour was only a couple of years old and I’m not sure if I was supposed to use the mixer or not and really didn’t know how to roll the dough out, but other than that, I followed the recipe to a “T.”

Boogers rising.

Boogers rising.

And in the middle of my mishap, my kindergartener decided to continue his reading practice.  A small booklet on the kitchen table caught his eye and he asked, “Mom, is the title of this book, “God. Will. Use. This. For. Good.”? Yes, son, that’s the title of that book. And yes, son, He probably will.

God will teach me something from this “Merdie Mishap” tonight. He will teach me that a recipe is not just a list of ingredients for you to pick and choose what you want to use and how much and how you want to use them. If you don’t know what you are doing, you follow a recipe to teach you. Maybe one day you can tweak the recipe to make it better and give it your own flavor. But when you are a hopeless fool, as I,  and have no idea what you are doing, YOU FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS.

How often do I do that with God? Take just what I want from the Bible and apply it just how I want just when I want and just as I want? More often than I would like to admit.

God gave us His Word so we would know his thoughts. His ways.

Psalm 119:105 
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

His instructions are for our good and His good pleasure.

Proverbs 4:13
Keep hold of instruction; do not let go;
    guard her, for she is your life.

Since the beginning of time nobody has been able to get this right. I wonder if Eve or Sarah or Rachel ever blew their lips like a mule? I endeavor to believe they did. And that makes me smile a little. Surely I’m in some like company…can I get an Amen?

God knew we were not going to get it. He knew we were not going to listen. And He knew that in our sins and struggles we would HAVE to come looking to Him for help or we would never find it. In the pit, the only place to look is up. Been there. Done that.

I’m thankful that I did accept His answer to my plea for help. And that He still answers me every time I call. And I can trust that He always will.

I will probably give up on bread making. For now anyway. They make really good rolls in the freezer section that take very little time and as my son pointed out, taste much better than my homemade version.

That being said, I will not be giving up on following God’s plan of instruction for my life. Being in His word daily, I’m finding wonderful insight and truths that I’ve never taken the time to see before. I can’t imagine how getting through the entire Bible will affect my daily walk. It can only be GOOD. And surely I will mess up. Again. Tomorrow. But, He will always be there to get me back on track.

God will always get me back on track, just like my husband does when teaching our children how to ride a horse.

Sometimes he has to take the reins and show them what to do.

Then they can take the reins themselves and mirror their father’s instruction.

The Bible is God’s mirror for us into His very soul. As His children, we should know it.

To know the Bible is to know God. To know God is to the know the Bible.

To know God is to have True Life. 

Moments of blowing our mule lips will come and go. (That doesn’t sound right, but it is what it is.)

God will always be our guide, waiting for us to ask for the Lead and waiting for him to Answer.

Sometimes the biggest lessons learned come in the waiting. And then the biggest rewards come after the wait.

To any other mule lip blowers…take heart. You are not alone. Maybe we could have a contest sometime? And then again, maybe not. 😉

Graciously,

Meredith

I knew I would be able to use this photo one day. Little man is not a mule, but he’s not little either.

I knew I would be able to use this photo one day. Little man is not a mule, but he’s not little either.

A Song for Sunday | 10,000 Reasons

Posted on by under Daily Walk, Faith, Songs

There is a song that has been speaking to me a lot lately. I had heard it before, but over the past 6 months my soul has fallen in love with it.  We sung it together live at Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s talk in Lynchburg last fall and a few weeks ago our church Praise Team led us in it. It sums up my walk right now so well. You can hear a preview here, but let the words speak to you. I bought the cd a few weeks ago and now my children and I blast it at least a few times a day. I think it sounds even better in my three-year old’s voice. 😉 In camping out for a while on the song writer, Matt Redman’s website, I realized he also has written several books and has devotions available for download that go with some of his songs, including this one. Awesome! Check it all out here. Be blessed and be a blessing today. We have many more than 10,000 reasons IN Christ Jesus. 🙂

10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)
by Matt Redman

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name
The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy nameYou’re rich in love, and You’re slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

[Chorus x2]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I’ll worship Your holy name
Lord, I’ll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I’ll worship Your holy name
I’ll worship Your holy name

Weekend Reflections| Snowmageddon

Posted on by under Faith, Reflections

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There is perhaps no word that better describes this week for my small corner of the earth than the coined term “Snowmageddon.”  We’ve lived through the anticipation of snow, the arrival of snow and then more snow and now we will face the departure of it. It’s been a fun week, especially given the fact that we were so fortunate as to not lose power…I know many people did and I’m not discounting the misery that comes with that. I’m just glad we didn’t have to experience it this time. 🙂 Was that rude? I hope not.

With the anticipation comes excitement and a bit of anxiety all wrapped up in a not so pretty package. More like one of my hurriedly wrapped gifts in a bag with a few haphazard pieces of tissue paper thrown in minutes before we are leaving for a party. Hey, it happens. A lot. And that was kind of like the first part of the week. Talk of all of this snow and not knowing whether to believe the weather people or not. They make it hard sometimes. No fault of their own I’m sure, but it’s a fact.

So in the anticipation and excitement there was also dread (of the power going out…which as I said, never happened here.)

And isn’t that just like life…we get anxious and worked up over what might happen and lose those moments to just revel in the glory of what is coming or what is actually happening in the moment because we are worried about tomorrow. We forget that wonderful reminder Jesus gave us to “not worry about tomorrow, it will take care of itself.” Yes, I need that one written on my walls..and my heart. Every. Single. Day.

The anticipation also brought hurriedness. To prepare the house and stock the pantry (can’t go without bread and milk…luckily we have the milk covered from trusty Stella the Jersey in the barn…but we can never have enough bread and the shelves were bare! :O) And I talked about that in my post earlier this week giving it all. she. had. But it’s true the anticipation probably took a little of the excitement out of the snow when it did finally come. And yes…it came.

The snow came and came again. It was beautiful and white and the ground is still beautiful and white. And for a couple of days, the world around us changed. We see a different landscape. Even the night is different. We have had a full moon and it truly looks like daylight the way the moon reflects off the snow. It’s like we are living in a different world. There is a sense of perfection in the blanket of white over everything. A sense of serenity and peace that I don’t often feel by just looking around me. But, maybe that is a reminder that it always there. Under the snow is the same ground that I get to see every day. And maybe I should start looking at it differently every. day.

I talked earlier this week about how God only sees snow when He sees his redeemed child. And maybe that’s how I should be seeing myself and you and this earth he has provided. Always as covered with snow…perfectly imperfect and ok with that. And rejoiceful in that!

And as the snow melts…and it is and it will…there comes the aftermath. The muddy and wet aftermath. The ground will be wet for weeks, especially with forecasted rain to come on top of it soon. I’ll forget all too soon how the world changed for a few days and go back to complaining about the wet and mud…because that’s what I do. I complain. I whine. And I fuss at my kids for the doing the same. Note to self…stop that. Stop complaining and whining and expecting your children not to do it, too. Ouch.

In reflection, the one thing I want to take away from this week is to strive to have new eyes. Eyes to see the beauty that’s around me EVERY DAY. Not just on a snow day. But every day. It’s there. It’s in me and in you and it’s all around us.

We just have to have eyes to see it. Ears to hear it. Hearts to accept it. Yes, I need a heart to accept it. Not judge myself…or you…or the rest of the world around me. But, a heart to accept what God sees  already covered in snow.

Lord, let me see the snow…long after the snow is melted. Let me feel the joy of anticipation without the weight of worry. Let me even enjoy the aftermath, remembering how fun the snow was while it was here. And let me see it even still.

The simplest love.

Posted on by under Faith, Prayers

I don’t have anything planned to write even as I begin to type, but I feel like I need to, so here I am. My child that is usually up by 6:15am is still asleep and I’m going to take advantage of this extra God-given quiet time.

It’s Valentine’s Day. I’ve never really cared much about Valentine’s Day. My dad always made it special…with flowers for my mother and I and maybe some candy. It’s not really observed at my house now and I’m fine with that. Though I do believe I will do something special with the kids today…but we are going to change focus. Shift thinking. Put our thoughts of love towards the only One who makes love possible.  Who gives us the ability to love and has shown us love in the most extreme way. We are going to love on and in and through Jesus today.

We are going to make Valentine’s …in Jesus name.

We are going to make cookies… in Jesus name.

We are going to play in the snow…in Jesus name.

We are going to talk about the greatest gift of love ever poured out on humanity…in Jesus name.

I’m feeling better about Valentine’s day already. This will be a day to truly and wholly talk about the greatest love story ever known. And the awesome revelation is that it includes ME and YOU and ALL OF US. Yes, that is worth sharing. And that is worth living IN today.

If you know Jesus…love on Him today and live through the LOVE he has placed in you. If you don’t feel it or can’t find it…trust me, it’s there. Seek Him and you will find Him.

Sometimes love isn’t a feeling at all, it’s a choice.

CHOOSE to live in LOVE today with the One who loves you completely.

If you don’t know Jesus…I pray you will feel His love today…through a kind gesture of another one who does know Him…through a glimpse of His father’s beauty all around you…through a desire to fill that void in your soul that you don’t know how to fill.

He was born for YOU. He lived and died for YOU. He loves YOU. Even if no one else around you does, Jesus loves you. Sounds trite to some. But it’s God’s honest, simple truth…He loves YOU. He desires to be the lover of your soul.

And in giving everything we have to the One who loves us completely we find a love like we have never known. The great Promise Keeper does not disappoint his Beloved.

If you don’t know how or what to do to find Him…pray. If you’ve never prayed and don’t think you know how, I’ll pray for you and with you now…

Dear God,

I come before you a confessed sinner. I am not perfect. I mess up…a lot. I know that I have a void in my life that I have tried to fill with lots of things and even people, but it’s not getting me anywhere. The void is still there. I believe in my heart that you sent your Son, Jesus, to die for my sins and I believe three days later, He rose from the grave and is in Heaven with you now. I want to be there with you one day. I know that is not possible without faith in Him. The One you gave for ME. So, I pray now, In Jesus Name, that He would come into my heart and my life and fill me with HIS one and only love.

Amen.

Can it be that simple? Yes, it can. Yes, it is. God’s one and only true Word says so.

Romans 10:9 (ESV)

“… because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Go IN love today…the greatest love ever known. The most complex love.  The simplest love.

Graciously,
Meredith

All He sees is snow.

Posted on by under Daily Walk, Faith, Sin Life

It was coming. Like a freight train that couldn’t be stopped. I saw the first few flakes start to fall outside the window and panic set in. So much I just realized I needed to do. That I wanted to do before the inevitable power outage would come. My husband said it would and as he likes to say “If I tell you the moon’s made out of cheese, get your crackers.” That is cowboy-ese for “Trust Me. I know what I’m talking about.”

So I started scrambling. Like a mama hen gathering her chicks…fast and furious.  It was coming. I kept looking out the window and it was falling faster and coming down sideways. Hurried. Sideways. Like me.

I started checking things off. I’m a list maker, a note taker. I take great delight in writing things down on paper or in my head…and then checking them off. One by one. House vacuumed. Floors mopped. Furniture dusted. Oil lamps retrieved and dusted off and wicks trimmed and oil poured.  Matches ready. Bacon frying, potatoes cut and ready to make soup.

So much to do and now it’s done. I’m done. Settling in now. Ready for whatever is coming. And it just keeps coming.

The snow is not done. It keeps coming down and piling up.  Like my list of things to do. I had just settled in.  I was done. Then I  remember the clothes in the dryer needed folding. And I was going to get a shower in case we have no hot water tomorrow. And I need to mix some cornbread to go with the soup. I thought I was done. But it just keeps coming.

Isn’t that just. like. life.  Just when we think we are caught up or living on the mountain we remember another errand needs to be run, report needs to be done, horse needs to be fed. And I was all ready to settle in for the long winters night.

And in the midst of the busy, the screaming kids and beeping oven, the snow just keeps coming down and draws me to it. So out I go to take it in. A few quiet moments on my porch and with my camera to take it in.

Such a paradox this white stuff is. Fast and furious it falls. Soft and quiet it lays. It silences the rest of the world while settling in a soft whisper on everything it touches. And in a matter of moments, everywhere I look is covered. White. Pure and quiet and white. Clean and fresh and new.

Inside is chaos and lists and needy people. Outside is peace and pure and quiet.

Perhaps this is a mirror of our redeemed selves in Christ.

What He sees on the outside. Washed white as snow. Clean. Pure. Being made new.

What we feel on the inside. Never satisfied, always striving to do and be more. For Him. For ourselves. Our job. Our family. And the harder we try, the further we find ourself from where we want to be.

When in reality, He only sees the snow.

He accepts our filthy rags and covers them with unending, never failing, undeserved Grace.

And it keeps coming. Grace upon Grace upon Grace. It falls from the sky like manna from Heaven. And we only have to pick it up and take it in.

Maybe one day we will get it. We will start to see the snow and leave the rest behind. Maybe we will start to live and breathe what He already sees in us. Start to see ourselves for what we are IN Him.

And He has made us new and washed us white as snow.

No more sin stain. The scarlet letter on my chest has been erased. I forget that.

I don’t have to live so rushed, because the most important things in my life aren’t things. They are flesh and faith.

And my own flesh and faith are weak, but in my weakness He is strong. And in His strength, maybe, just maybe I will start to see the snow, too.

Graciously,
Meredith

All she had.

Posted on by under Daily Walk, Faith, Motherhood

The smell of burnt mulling spices woke me.  The first time it happened, I sat bolt upright in bed and sniffed all over the house until I found the culprit. We heat these four log walls and six log rooms of our home with a wood stove.  It’s the driest form of heat imaginable, but it’s heat and it’s warm and I am thankful for it.  I put a pot of water on the stove to put humidity back into the air and like to scent it with spices.  But when the water evaporates it leaves charred spices to wake me up in the middle of the night. Never the middle of the day.  Always the middle of the night.

As I drug my sleep walking self to re-fill the pot, I  felt the pull of my writing chair. And my computer. And my dimly lit living room in the quiet and the still. And the warmth this night before snowmageddon visits our little spot of the earth.

The talk of a foot of snow is paralyzing me before it even gets here. And at the reminder before bed from my farmer man that a power outage will be certain instead of even probable, my childlike excitement left. Like the water evaporated from the stove pot, my anticipation for this snow I’ve been longing to see left my soul.

I can do without a lot…but power is not my first or even last choice. No power and two children and four cold dogs that will want to be inside all together with no Tom and Jerry or news or water is not my idea of fun.

“Did you buy more kerosene for the oil lamps?” No, I didn’t think about that from the last time we needed them. I don’t think about things until they happen. And it is needed. Right then. Not a forethought but an afterhought and then a “should have” thought. That’s how my over-crowded and scattered brain tends to work. In reaction mode, not preparation mode. That would be too normal and sane and wise for me.

I’m giving all I have and some days it isn’t even a drop in the bucket of what they need. What I need. What He needs from me. But it’s all I have. Or is it? Am I really giving all I have? Can I say I gave all I had?

There was a woman once who gave the least of anyone, but gave more than everyone. And Jesus credited it to her as Righteousness. Holiness. She gave all. she. had. And in the worlds eyes it was NOTHING. USELESS. But in the eyes of the One she gave it to, it was worth more than all of the others gifts put together.

And there was another woman that did this unabashedly crazy thing one time long ago. She had a jar of the most expensive oil and she poured it all out. To the last drop.  She poured it out in front of everyone, over the head of her Master and they called her crazy. And he called her “wonderfully significant” and promised that her story would be told for generations to come. Forever etched in the Word for all who ever read it and tell it to read and be told.

Who in their right mind would waste their most expensive treasure in such a way? I’ll tell you who.

A woman fully immersed in her own depravity and fully covered by Grace and she knew it. And she knew the One that covered her and would soon be covered with the blood that made that Grace possible was for a moment covered with all she had to offer. The best she had to offer. 

He doesn’t want part of us, he wants all of us. He doesn’t need a piece of us, He needs all of us.

Your all and my all are different. They may look very different to the world, but God knows. He sees. He is the Provider, after all. He knows what we have to give and He knows the heart by which we give through.

I can’t give anything I don’t own. I can’t give money I don’t have. Time I won’t make. Treasure I don’t possess. I get that. We can only give from what we have. And it’s different for everyone.

He knows when we are holding back and He knows why. He knows the worry and the fear. And He covers us with Grace regardless. But oh how He must delight when He sees one give. her. all. How the angels must dance and sing when a daughter is giving her all to her King and blessing Him through it.

And what I have to give is in direct proportion to what is in me.  You can’t get water from a pot on a stove that has all evaporated. We must take in if we will have anything left to take out. We have to fill up to pour out.

And when we give it all we have He is always faithful and just to fill us back up if we come back to Him for more. Yes, I know that. I’ve lived it. Living it now.

When we give all we have to Him, people notice. They judge. They mock.

Fear drives contempt.

They recognize a difference and the prey on it. They may even desire to give themselves, but they don’t know how. They can’t give what they don’t have.

As a mom in the trenches of dirty diapers and toddler bottoms needing  wiping. every. single. hour. Dishes overflowing and no energy to wash them, let alone dry and put them away. Clothes mildewing in wash you forgot about yesterday and three more loads needing to wash today. Dried up marshmallows, gummy wrappers and hidden puddles of sticky Icee on your floors. Yes, that’s my reality. ever. single. day.

What do I have to give? It’s not much some days. It’s not expensive oil. It’s not even always monetary. It’s my heart. My trust. Mine and your dependence on our Life source to give us the strength to make it one more day. One more hour. One more second.  In the trenches.

And the sweet reward is peace. In the midst of the battle, even in the trench, there is peace.

Jesus just wants me. You. Us. Our devotion. Our attention, when He can get it. Our love.

And in return we find the strength to wipe another bottom. Play another round of tea time with our little girl. Read the same book in the same day for the 30th time with the same amount of inflection as the first to our little boy. Wash that next load of clothes. Make another lunch for our man. Come up with yet another hamburger meal for our family’s supper. Advise your friend on matters you don’t feel qualified, but so glad she does and that she comes to you for help.

The woman who laid her soul on the temple table not knowing where tomorrow’s grocery money would come from. The woman who poured her most precious possession all over her Master and felt no shame or regret. Because it was all she had and in this Man was all. she. had.
Lord, that we would have the same love for You. That we would give you all we have out of a heart that could not think of doing anything less. Even when all we have is little. Little is much when it comes to giving God all we have. And we may never know what our little is doing this side of Heaven. But God knows and is able to do so much more than we could ever imagine.
Take heart. God knows and sees and loves your heart of sacrifice. He wants all we have and he will give us what we need to keep giving it all we have. For Him. For our families. For one another. I’m with you Sister and so is He.
Graciously,
Meredith

Of fear and grace.

Posted on by under Motherhood, Perfectly Imperfect, Sin Life

What is it about the word “fear” that makes me slightly squeamish? Not the kind of fear where I’m scared of the dark or the boogie man in the closet or even worse, under my bed. But fear in a bigger, broader sense. Adult-sized fear. The word has taken on new meanings for me as I’ve aged and it’s been mulling around in my over-crowded brain the past few days.

This past week has been beautiful. Getting intentional about my time with Jesus in the morning before the day breaks…and literally keeping my day from breaking. One week of routine, determined bible study has already had significant impact on my life.

God has shown up in BIG ways.  God-sized ways.

There have been answers to prayer that could only come from Him.

Like what?

Like an angel from out of the blue mailing me a check  from her non-profit ministry to pay my conference tuition and hotel expenses to explore these “writing skills” further because she feels I have a gift she wants me to use and grow for God’s glory.  Yeah, that was BIG. I cried for hours (days…) over that one. Crying now.

And then there was this little idea of seeing if anyone would maybe like to join me in reading through the Bible in a year. And now we have an on-line group of 11 women intricately woven together by God to start this journey together. Yeah, that happened this week. More happy tears.

And then there was finding this sister in Christ that will be exploring a new ministry opportunity with me and finding out we have a lot more in common than we could ever have known. And maybe God put us together for that reason more than the ministry. Remains to be seen. Yeah, that happened this week, too. Joyful sobs at this point.

I don’t remember a week in my life with so many praises in so little time. Really, this has been a BIG week for me. For God in me.

So where is this fear that I started to talk about? What does fear have to do with any of this? The question is more so what does fear NOT have to do with any of this.

I’m just naturally a fearful person. I worry. I fret. I fear. I fear I may fail. Because I have.

I fear I may not have what it takes to live up to what people “think” I am or have or could be. Because I’ve let people down before. I’ve let myself down before.  I’ve let God down before. A lot. Even this week. Even today. Even in the last hour.

I fear things like my kids will not be normal or godly or social or smart. Because I am responsible for them and I really don’t know what I’m doing at all when it comes to this motherhood gig. I fear I’ll mess them up forever. Maybe I already have.

And then reading this week in Mark Chapter 11, this idea of fear rang loud to me in other ways. I scribbled these notes  after reading…

FEAR: Scribes hated Jesus out of fear.

Fear drives us to sin.

Fear blinds to the truth.

Fear keeps God’s will from being fulfilled.

Fear kept the scribes from knowing and believing who Jesus was. The one they had spent their whole life waiting for was right before their eyes…and they rejected Him out of fear.

Fear distorts the truth.

Fear brings out the ugly in people. In ME.

There it is. The ugly truth about fear. All wrapped up in one little chapter of God’s word.  And no matter how much good God does in our lives, how many prayers He answers, how many BLESSINGS he bestows, we are still prone to fear. It’s just our nature. Well, I can only speak for self.  Fear is in my nature. If it’s not in yours, then give God a little extra praise today. And if it is, give God a little more credit.

That’s on my list of things to do. Give God more credit. He deserves it. I believe He would even appreciate it.

Fear intimidates, immobilizes and paralyzes.

Grace assures, encourages and releases.

If you are living in Grace today, claim it. I plan to.

Well, I’ll try harder. And of course I’ll be covered in grace when I fail. And I will. But that’s not my focus.

I will focus on what God has done. Focus on what God has proven He can do and will do. And rest on the promise He will continue to do. Remembering, “All things work to good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28.

That life verse of mine again. It just speaks to me. Often. Let it speak to you.

And be free of the fear. Give God the credit that is His. Claim the Grace that is yours. And live in it.

Graciously,

Meredith

Weekend Reflections | Habit changing.

Posted on by under Daily Walk, Perfectly Imperfect

I feel the need to reflect from this week because I feel like I’ve been on a long trip…even though I haven’t traveled anywhere.

In this week, I’ve begun what I hope is the process of changing habits. Starting the journey to saying goodbye to ways that have caused me to move backwards. In motherhood. In wifehood. In friendships. In my faith. In my relationship with my Savior.

I say all of this a bit reluctantly, because I am not naive enough to believe this will be easy. Or that it will be fast.  Or that I will be completely successful.

I will fail and I will fall, but I trust that I will also have the courage and fortitude to pick myself up and start again. That is the way of changing habits, is it not? If we never start, we will never finish. If we don’t push through, the goal will never become a reality.

First, we have to see a need to change. A realization we have an area in our life that is not “ok” with us. That we feel warrants an overhaul. A new direction. Or death altogether.

For me this means a complete change in my day. In my routine. In my reactions. This is BIG. This is not small. This will not happen overnight, but I am determined that it. will. happen. And I don’t even know exactly what the end will look like. I just know it will be better. My soul will be rewarded. My family will be rewarded. I expect all of my relationships will be sweeter when these habits are changed. When they are fully and completely resolved.

A new day. A new way.

In my readings this week, God has pointed out to me just how faithful He is, even when we are not…and even when we are. He has shown me the lengths that His Grace has been poured out on me and on so many giants of the faith in the Bible…even when they messed up. And they messed up big at times. But they were always covered in Grace. Just like me. Just like you.

He has shown me that I don’t have to know what tomorrow will hold. I don’t have to know what He has planned. I don’t have to do or be anything other than faithful to trust. Trust His will. His way. His time.

A hard pill for me to swallow even most days. There’s a habit that needs changing. That one wasn’t even on the list.

God is showing me that He is bigger than my fear. I believe I’ll tackle that one in a post next week. Fear…oh how it drives so much in our lives.

Today, I sit in complete awe of my Mighty God. In what He has done. In what He is doing. In what He is going to do. I don’t even have to know, because I already know. It will be bigger than I can imagine. It will be better than I can imagine. He will be glorified and that’s all that truly matters. That’s the only result I want in any habit I now form. And any habit that doesn’t lead to his Glory, I ask Him to delete from my life.

Maybe you have some habits that need changing, too? You can do this. I can do this.

I just read this week, “all things are possible with God.”

The Message Bible says it this way, “Jesus was blunt: “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it.””

Jesus cut right to the point, as He always did and always does in my own life.

NO CHANCE alone. EVERY CHANCE with God.

There are some words to live by. To change by. Habit changing words. Life giving words. Oh…to get my life back. Or to just get it in the first place. Here’s to changing habits. For His Glory.

Blessings,
Meredith

You. Are. Beloved. Yes, You.

Posted on by under Perfectly Imperfect, Sin Life

There is a stirring in my soul. On my heart and in my soul.

This word “Beloved.”

It jumped off the page of my Bible as I continued on my trek to read through this God-breathed print in a year.  Pressing on to see what Light is revealed today.

Paul was quoting from the book of Hosea in Romans when he said, “Those who were not my people I will call ‘my people,’ and her who was not beloved I will call ‘beloved.’” Romans 9:25

I had to read it again. And then underline it. And then circle “her” and “beloved.”  The Holman Christian Standard Bible says it this way, “…and she who is Unloved, Beloved.”

I’ve never noticed this verse in this way before. The wonderful mystery of reading the same book of the Bible I have ready several times and heard preached exhaustively and studied in depth on different occasions. Every time we read God’s word, He is faithful to speak to us exactly where we are and exactly how He means for us to understand it and apply it right then.

I tell my children what needs to be done as it needs to be done. Just as my Father tells me what I need when I need it. He loves me like that. He loves me that much. He makes it simple. Good thing, simple as my mind is, I require simple. In small doses.

This is a simply beautiful verse to me. A verse that makes me feel warm and complete and full and loved. Like being wrapped up tight in my Granny’s embrace as a child. Warm and complete and full and loved. All in one happy, safe place.

Knowing my God, the Creator of all of the universe…Creator of all I can see, feel and know and all that I can’t…that same God chose me. Loves me. Calls me “beloved.” In His eyes, as His child, I am Beloved. And so are you, dear one.  So are you.

Do you get it?   Do you see it?

It doesn’t matter who they say you are or what they have called you your entire life. It doesn’t matter that your earthly father never told you he loved you. It doesn’t matter that your husband doesn’t praise you as you think he ought. It doesn’t matter that your children never call or write or say “Thank you, Mom”…”I love you, Mom”…”I appreciate you, Mom.”

It doesn’t matter. You think it does, but it doesn’t.

The only Being that has any matter in our existence calls His people, His child, His daughter…Beloved.

To the outcast deemed by the world to be unworthy, He sees as worthy.

To the unloveable and unlovely in the shadows of the crowd, He beckons out into the Light and MAKES you lovely, clothed in LOVE.

We may see nothing worth loving in us. And maybe to the rest of the world, there isn’t anything to love. Maybe you have messed up one too many times for those around you to forgive or forget or release you from the prison of regret and shame. Maybe you have done nothing to deserve the lack of love you’ve never known from the people who are “supposed” to love you. Maybe you are loved by others, but don’t know how to love yourself.

I get it. I’ve been there. Broken. Alone. Feeling nothing but unlovely, unloved and un-deserving.

But, child, I’m telling you today, You. Are. Loved. You are called BELOVED by the only One who matters. The only One who knows you for who you really are. He made you. For more than what you are today. For more than what I am today. We are Beloved!

Let that sink in. Deep into the marrow of your soul where all of the hurt and betrayal and shame and disgust have steeped for so long. Let the fact that you are truly BELOVED sink in there. And take root. And grow. And start to become who you really are IN your Father. Take this TRUTH and LET IT MARINATE IN YOUR SOUL. Soul…you are BELOVED.

Be still…sister, brother, friend. Be still and KNOW that You are loved. By the KING of KINGS and LORD of LORDS. Your Heavenly Father loves you, if nobody else does.  I love you for reading this and starting to believe that maybe it could be true. You are loved. You are beloved.

Yes, you are.

 

Finding balance in the imbalance.

Posted on by under Daily Walk, Religion

I seem to be full of confessions recently, don’t I? Well, I have another. This one is a lot easier for me to tell you through the words of this page, than if I had to tell you face-to-face. I have never read through the entire Bible.

Shame. I know. I have not.

I have tried unsuccessfully. The last couple of January’s have started with the best intentions. I would start gung-ho, full of fervor and grit to get. it. done. Then by the time I got to all those names and numbers and dates…my zeal would become less than zesty.  My desire became dry.

So recently I stumbled upon a Bible that Ann Voskamp recommended on her blog and it sounded right up my alley. I ordered the ESV Daily Reading Bible with my trusty Amazon Prime membership and had a reunion with my UPS driver two days later. We had a lot of catching up to do since our daily meets the entire month of December. I digress.

I. Love. This. Bible. It makes reading the Bible everyday POSSIBLE. Daily readings are broken down into a chapter of several books and can be done in fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes. If I can’t give fifteen minutes a day to reading, studying and chewing on the only self-help, parenting and marital guide that has any answers worth following, then I  have a serious problem.

I’m speaking to myself here…and I’m sure you’ve heard the same…but I always have time to do what is important to me. I may say I don’t have time to do what I need to do. Whether it’s reading my bible, playing with my kids, volunteering at church or in the community…you name it. The truth is I have exactly enough time to do exactly what is important to me. And that’s what I do. I’m struggling with this a lot lately.

Finding balance in the imbalance is a daily struggle for me. At this point in my life, it’s not just a desire. It’s a true need. A necessity. If I don’t get this right now, I will not be getting anything else right either.

One small step is getting in the Word daily.

One BIG step is getting in the Word daily.

This is my life-blood. These are living, breathing words of Truth to get me through my day.  As a parent. As a wife. As a friend. As a disciple.  My one necessity.

How can I expect to have a relationship with my Savior if I don’t spend time in the only Word he has given me. I have said in the past, “I just wish God would come down and tell me exactly what He wants me to do. I would do it. I would really do it!” Only to realize now, He has. Every inspired word of the Bible is just enough. Nothing more. Nothing less. It’s all there. The greatest Love story ever known. Ever told. For you. For me. And in it we will find ourselves. Practically and providentially. I’m ready to find myself this year.

Will you join me in this endeavor? An accountability partner would be great.

Some more great tips on reading through the Bible in a year can be found here. Jacque Watkins has a great guest post today on The MOB Society’s blog about this topic and inspired me to get this post written that has been on my heart for a few days. Thank you, Jacque! And thank you for following along another day on my faith journey.

Graciously,
Meredith